Dabira - The Something Surreal

When there is so much to write about but no visible starting point, we just start juggling with words. Even if I end up writing, "I have no idea what to write," it will still suffice. Anyway, long story short, or should I say, getting to the meat and potatoes of the story, because it is certainly not going to be the formal definition of "short." It was a coincidence that I came across a wonderful person almost exactly an year ago. There were certain circumstances and a certain situation involved in the introduction, but it morphed into something more beautiful than I could ever anticipate. But for now, let's ponder upon the meeting.

I landed in Amsterdam on March 19th, 2017. I went there to meet a person named Dabira Khan, a wonderful lady whom I have a pleasure calling my sister. We are not biologically related, but that is secondary to a sacred relation such as ours. Anyway, although we had known each other for over an year, but still the first physical meeting face-to-face is something different. I was a little nervous at first, constantly thinking how I should act and react in the first few minutes of our first meeting. I even made sure my hair look okay after a brief nap during the flight. It was not that the first wrong impression would "break the deal," but rather that if someone calls me her Lala, I should make sure that she feels secure and happy around me. But the credit goes to Ms. Dabira Khan, the moment we said hi to each other, all the worries and nervousness just disappeared into a black hole, and there we were, sitting chatting like old buddies with a bag full of gossips to share. We got some coffee from a nearby Starbucks at the airport, and then hopped on the train. Thanks to Dabira for locating my lost ticket in the elevator on time, otherwise we would have been in an embarrassing situation. That was the start of an interesting trip. Moving on, we reached Macandra - a resident hall for many international students living in the city of Enschede, Netherlands. Dabira had prepared chicken for dinner, which was actually as tasty as it looked. We met her friends and ate the dinner together, while talking about the stuff here and there. It was overwhelming initially, but Dabira made sure that her bhai feels comfortable and settles down easily. Then, she guided me to my room nearby where I freshened up before we went out to explore the city together. It was a little chilly, but not intolerable. One thing I enjoyed particularly during the walk was the chat with Dabira. The way we connected an year ago on phone and the way our words kept connecting all along was a statement to our sacred relation. The same night pushed us into a deep heart-to-heart conversation, which was necessary, and probably the highlight of this trip. As long as my behna felt lighter and better after speaking her heart, that is all her bhai cares about. After all, her bhai is her shield, happily taking all the bullets for her. Anyway, the eventful trip was just starting, but I won't go into too much detail of every single thing here, other than the fact that we roamed around the city in semi-panic searching for a rental car, then finally finding one from across the border in Germany, and then Dabira accidentally pulling the parking brake while car was in acceleration, and so on. Then a few Khalids came into the picture, which was fun in itself. It was time to say good-bye to Dabira for a couple of days, which was one of the toughest things I had to do in recent times. The kind of friendship I had discovered in that brief amount of time with Dabira was hard to put a pause to, and it still is. Anyway, the next two days were an adventure in itself, but let's fast forward to Enschede again.

I came back to Enschede after exploring Europe for two days, and I couldn't be any happier because I was going to spend the next two days with Dabira. The first two days had made me realize that Dabira is not just a behna, but my best friend. Why do I say it? You will find out shortly. Dabira and I with another friend of ours sat down, ate dinner, and then went out to explore the city again. The conversation that started while having Dabira's favorite drink went on for the entire night, with lots of laughter and interesting topics. None of us wanted to leave the conversation, but at almost 6 AM, some amount of sleep was necessary. It was Friday, and Abdullah (aka Khalid) had to go back to Germany in the evening, but we made the most of that day. Laughs, walks, ice cream, and the usual "thandi juggatein." Lol. Fast-forwarding, it was again myself and my behna talking to each other, and I was sitting there wishing the time could just stop somehow. My flight was early next morning, and I was enjoying deep conversations with my best friend. The joy and peace that I was feeling is something that I had never felt in my entire life. I was feeling emotional and I wanted to talk about some of that stuff, but I could feel the happiness in her eyes, so I kept quiet in that zone. We took off the next morning, hopped on the train to Amsterdam, and had nothing but the last couple of hours together with yet lots of things to discuss. That is what happens when you are with your best friend, you never run out of things to talk about. But it was something beyond just two good friends; I was feeling empowered to protect my behna. The way she looked at me with a smile on her face, I always felt strong, willing to take anything for her. And I still do if I close my eyes and think about it. Chatting and laughing, we arrived at the airport, and it was finally the time to say good-bye. I was hoping that I do not get too emotional, and I had jokingly asked Dabira to do the same. But deep inside, we were both not ready for this. While walking towards the departure area, she stopped a few paces short and asked me if I could go on by myself. I could sense the emotions flowing in her voice, and realized what she really meant. I quickly agreed. We said good-bye and smiled at each other, which was different than the smiles we were used to - of course. As we started walking away, I asked Dabira if she would like a selfie together. She thought for a split second, but then said no. I understood why, and I agreed again. She didn't say anything, probably because of the hardship we were both feeling due to this painful good-bye. She turned around and started walking, and so did I. Just a few paces after, I had an urge to look back. Like something whispered "bhai" in my ears. I quickly turned around and was ecstatic to see that Dabira turned around at the same exact time, or probably a little bit before me. She smiled and waved, and so did I, but I couldn't watch her go for longer, so I quickly turned back and moved on. I do not know yet what she went through from that point on, but I would share what went on with me. The cluster of feelings that accumulated over the last few hours was pushing against the lid, fighting to burst out. Every time I traveled back from Pakistan, I got emotional. Mainly because my lovely nieces and nephew made me never want to leave them, but life pulled me away from them every time. Life! But I always waited until it got dark in the flight, when most of the people around me went to sleep, when no one could see the tears flowing over my face, I always used that time to release the emotional feelings. I was hoping for the same this time, but I just could not. Of course, one could take into account many factors, such as it actually never got dark in the flight this time, nor the people around me were really sleeping. The tears of a seemingly angry-young-man would have been visible, but that does not bother me really. If my feelings are true, then the entire world can see them, and I would not feel ashamed. But it was a little different this time. I was still in the awe of my meeting with the new best friend, someone I opened up my entire life to without the fear of being judged, someone whose happiness now mattered to me more than my own, someone whose dreams now weighed heavier to me than the ones that keep me awake at night, and so on. I just could not release my tears, because I did not know what had just happened - something so very special. Last week still feels like a dream, a very, very beautiful dream. Dabira has turned my life around; she has given her bhai a purpose in life, a new direction, a new perspective, and so on. Today was my first day at work after the trip, and it was one of the toughest days in the recent times. My heart was still in Enschede, with my behna. I wanted to run back to her and see her smile just one more time, even though I know that there are countless more occasions to come ahead where my eyes will be blessed to see her happy, over and over again, but last week has been surreal. Dabira has redefined love for me, and she has redefined life overall for me, in a sense that receiving so much love and trust from outside of the immediate family was something I had never imagined, and this is just the beginning. I pray to God that I do something for her in life that will make her the happiest. If not, then at least be there with her, carrying my trademark "thandi juggatein" that are lame, but at least they make her laugh. In summary, my entire life on one side, and last week on the other. It is such a big statement, but I know what I am talking about. I know that this feeling is special, and I know that my heart is still with her, and I don't mind it being there. After all, she is my behna, and it is my pleasure to ensure she gets the best of everything. I can go and on, but I will stop here...for now. I am glad and thankful to God that He blessed me with someone who calls me "bhai" with so much love. Now, it is part of my life, and a major objective of my life to stay with her, and be there for her whenever she needs me. I still remember the look on her face when she dropped me off at the airport. I came back with a heavy heart, but I look forward to seeing her again. There is still a lot of stuff we have to do together, and we will. InshaAllah. It is something surreal, but something I am forever thankful for. Needless to say, bhai is always there for his behna. No matter what happens, Dabira's happiness will always come first, even before my own. Love you, my naughty goofball! May you get all that your heart desires, today and forever. Also, may that smile always remain on your beautiful, innocent face, today and forever. Ameen.

Love,

Bhai.